There Is A Thing As Too Many Veggies
Do you notice the theme in these pictures?
Vegetables
lots and lots of them.
Vegetables were the staple of my diet. The epitome of a healthy food. They were great for my eating disorder in two ways:
- They were safe, clean, and healthy without any ED thoughts associated with them
- They were a tool to become full without eating very many calories
My eating disorder revolved around taking healthy eating too far. And that is what I was doing in these pictures. I was so proud of the amount of vegetables I incorporated into my diet. I would show off my plates to my roommates and on instagram with all the clean eating hashtags. But while I truly was trying to nourish my body I was also trying to fill myself up. I was training so hard everyday and walking a tight-rope with hunger. I used this disproportionate amount of vegetables in my dishes to fill me up without consuming all of the calories I really needed.
Now when I started recovering and had to drastically increase the calories I was eating it became pretty clear I could not eat this many vegetables to meet my caloric needs. It was just taking up too much of my diet where I needed other nutrient dense food.
Now there are days when I might have vegetables and chicken for dinner, or use vegetables noodles over pasta in a meal. But the important difference is I am getting enough calories in other meals throughout the day to meet my bodies needs. I still love vegetables and eat them everyday. But I also will have ice cream after dinner or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as a snack. I am not using vegetables as a tool to eliminate calories from my diet I am eating them because I love them and they make me feel good.
I think a lot of people with eating disorders will relate to this. We manipulate food to quiet our disorder. But now that I can think more freely I can see that my old diet was just insufficient on a macro level to sustain the training I was doing. Even with all of the benefits of the micro nutrients. But lets be honest eating a cup or two of broccoli and eating 4 cups of broccoli in a meal will both meet the nutrient needs of your body.
So now I work on eating the foods that I love and having a balance with everything.