My ED in Haiti
I have now been living in Haiti for 12 days. We are quickly approaching the 2-week mark and I wanted to take some time to mention how I have been adjusting food wise. I think this is a huge challenge for me because of my ED history but the fact that I have acclimated so well really goes to show how far I have come in my recovery.
The main challenges here are:
- Access to Food: There just is not an abundance of food here. I have enough money to purchase what I want but my options are limited. The meat and seafood is pretty suspect so I can confidently say I won’t be purchasing any myself. They have fruits and vegetables that include: tomato, cucumber, onions, carrots, lettuce, bananas, papaya, mango, pineapple, and coconuts. Starches include rice of course and you can buy potatoes, pasta, and oats. When it comes to purchasing, you can’t just walk or drive to the store. There are stores but getting there takes some planning and they charge you significantly more. Or I can go to the market on the weekend except I don’t speak the language yet and need to rely on someone to come with me to help. Or we have a woman who can pick up groceries for us once a week if we leave her money. So I definitely have access to food, but it is more complicated and harder to get than it ever has been for me and definitely lacks variety.
- Type of Meals: This has been a huge shift for me. I still consume a fair amount of fruit which is not different than back home but what has drastically shifted is by protein, carb and vegetable intake. At home I made dishes filled with a variety of vegetables. That was the staple of my meal, with protein and carbs added around it. Here the meal is centered around carbs, almost always rice, with maybe a piece of meat or always beans for protein, and a slice or two of a vegetable. With my eating disorder history vegetables and protein were at the top of my compulsion list. Those were the food groups I focused on while also always limiting my fat intake. But here my dishes are all made high carb, high fat, low protein, low vegetable.
- Cooking Conditions: When I obtain the food to eat I run into a new problem of preparing it. I don’t have access to filtered water which means I have to be very careful to wash and boil or thoroughly cook everything I consume all while not contaminating anything in the process. You take for granted being able to rinse a spoon and then stir your ingredients or wash off a hardboiled egg you just peeled to make sure the shell is fully removed. I tried to cook in bulk so that I could have leftovers to reheat since the cooking process is time consuming to make sure everything is cooked properly. But of course there is an issue with that too. The fridge is not very cold, which means things spoil quickly. Before I could make a batch of something and eat it throughout the week. Here is may last an extra day or two before it spoils.
- Exercise: Another component of my disorder was of course the working out. I did start exercising again just before I left for Haiti but here I do not have access to a gym nor flat ground for running. And also, it is pretty hot/humid and you need to try to avoid the bugs in the evenings. I knew I was going to make time for exercising because of the stability and stress relief it provides me, especially in a new and challenging environment. But I don’t have the ability to work out like I am used to and I have had to dial it back and make do with what I can do. This has meant walking or jogging up the hill I live on, resistance bands, or yoga. None of which for more than 45 minutes because it’s just too hot and I am tired after work. But that is okay. It is plenty to give me some mental/physical relief and I don’t force myself to do it. Just the days I am feeling up to it.
So there are many new challenges I am facing but taking them in stride which is something I could never have done a few years ago. During my eating disorder and first few years of recovery I was not capable of moderating my exercise at all, I was not capable of eating a diet that wasn’t filled with vegetables and protein and excluded fat, I could not eat dishes I was not familiar with without extreme anxiety or restriction. And maybe the most general point, I could not give up control. I couldn’t put myself in a position to not control my exercise, the food I eat, the cooking conditions. By remaining entrenched in my disorder I was limiting my future. I was hindering my future health, future relationships, and future opportunities.
Being able to move and work in a developing country is an amazing experience that I am so grateful for. It is going to change me as a person— I am sure of that. But it took overcoming a huge battle to prepare me to take on another.
